“I’m sorry for calling for a ceasefire in the Sudan instead of Gaza. We’re supposed to be targeting the Jews…oops I mean Zionists,” Christiana MacDougall told our Onion reporter recently. “When I was Googling ‘genocide’ recently, I mistakenly ended up on a website that talked about the recent genocide of Christians by Muslims in the Sudan.”

“Even though women are treated horribly in many Islamic cultures and LGBTQ rights don’t exist, we still feel it is important to support Hamas,” said Christiana. “We teach in our courses at Mount Allison that you can be a feminist and supporter of the LGBTQ community and still support Hamas and other Islamic terrorist organizations. Even though they treat women like second class citizens and also often kill gay people there’s not really a contradiction there that I can see.”