Patients showed up at the Sackville emergency room only to be confronted with a big red sign that said, “Closed Indefinitely”. Puzzled by the sudden closure, a local Onion reporter investigated the reason for this sudden event. When the Premier was asked he said, “Well I did the math and figured by closing the smaller hospitals I can increase our Conservative governments annual surplus and you know it’s all about having a surplus because that looks good on the books.”

His Health Minster was also asked why the sudden closure. “Well, everyone was complaining about hospital wait times. By getting rid of the hospital, we get rid of the wait times, that way the problem is solved instantly with little to no extra cost.”

When local MLA Megan Mitton was asked about the event she said, “Well it is concerning, but that hospital had a large carbon footprint and you know I am green so reducing carbon is job number one. It could have been worse but as there were no solar panels on the hospital so it wasn’t really worth keeping it open anyway. Plus, we have MAiD now for sick people or those mentally affected by the closure.”