Similar to the calls for Spain to end their annual “Running of the Bulls” event due to its cruelty to animals, the Tantramar council is reportedly considering ending Mount Allison’s Running of the Students event, which happens every September at the start of the school year.

“Students run around all over the streets and end up running into cars, each other, street signs and various other objects and can potentially injure themselves or others,” said councillor Barry Hicks. “Many residents are quite upset about it.” And then as usual Councillor Bruce Phinney chimed in with, “I told you we shouldn’t allow those students to vote!”

Mount Allison Student Representative Stacy responded to our Onion reporter, “This is the one time we don’t want the government to get involved in every aspect of our lives. Leave us alone!”